


Not Fade Away

by acowlorsomething (suchlostcreatures)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Lives, Canon Divergence - Star Wars, F/M, Fix-It, Kylo Ren Redemption, Redeemed Ben Solo, Spoilers, TRoS Spoilers, World Between Worlds, because we need a happy ending, star wars fix it, the dyad is strong in these two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:40:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21866134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchlostcreatures/pseuds/acowlorsomething
Summary: There are moments when she sees him...-------A post-TROS alternative ending/fix it fic/my attempt at self-therapy... Whatever.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 56
Kudos: 164





	1. Chapter 1

There are moments when she sees him.

There are moments. Though the hazy veil of in-between. When she sees that smile once more.

In-between awakening. In-between sleep. In-between the bat of an eyelid when the Tatooine suns strike her eyes. 

In these moments she sees him standing whole and _real_. Albeit ever so fleeting. Like a mote of dust dancing in her vision; only to disappear as soon as she blinks.

She tries to keep her eyes open, to hold him in her unwavering sight. But all too soon the tears come. Searing as they well. Forcing him to blur and fade whether she likes it or not. And with the tears comes the anguish. An ever-present lodestone that rises from her stomach - only to lodge in her throat like burning coal. _Aching_ for release. If only for a little while.

Sometimes she swallows it back. Knuckles clenched white around the hilt of her saber as if her grief is an enemy she can strike.

Sometimes she gives in. Dropping to her knees as anguish pounds over her in waves. Her hands burrowing into the burning Tatooine sand as she curls over herself. And she thinks of the ocean of Kef Bir. How she crested the waves against all odds and rode them to victory.

She doesn’t know if she’ll ever crest these waves. And victory can be a hollow thing.

****

There are moments when she hears his voice.

Not careful and measured. Not terse or beguiling or thick with fury. Not an echo passed across the stars or through the veil of the living and the dead. But solid and real.

A warm murmur at the nape of her neck. A soft whisper against the corner of her lips.

A presence. Reaching. With a strength so immense and full of certainty… 

She opens the Jedi texts again. She studies the script with a careful eye. She feels his presence beside her. Stronger. The words take shape.

_There is a world between worlds…_

She begins to hope.

And then, she reaches back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be a prologue. It may just be an ever-so-brief one shot I had to write just to get these words out try to fix things, if just a little bit.  
> If you're on Tumblr, come say hi to me at [acowlorsomething](https://acowlorsomething.tumblr.com/) where I've begun churning out this-is-how-I-cope gifsets from TROS footage. Sigh.
> 
> Fic title: Borrowed from the final ep of Angel.  
> Lyrics in graphic: Never Fade Away by Air Suppy


	2. Chapter 2

Ben breathes.

The air, thick and cloying, leaves a taste in his mouth reminiscent of antique parchments and ancient stone. He licks parched lips. The thickness of dust rests on his tongue and he coughs, rolling with effort to his side before resting his forehead to the cold ledge beneath him.

Three steadying breaths.

Three steadying breaths, he tells himself, and then he’ll rise to his knees. 

Five breaths later, and he feels no steadier.

Seven.

Nine…

The silence is yet thicker than the air. Cold and pressing. Unnerving.

Never has Ben known such absence of sound; even in the depth of meditation when he wore the guise of Kylo Ren, the thrum of a Star Destroyer would breach his peace.

Not that he ever found peace.

Dragging in a twelfth breath, he winces as the effort sends a stab of pain through his ribs. And then he presses his hands against the ground and pushes himself up.

He breathes. He feels pain. 

Yes. He is alive.

Yet the victory rings as if hollow.

Because he is here alone. Left behind by Rey once more.

* * *

“Rey, when are you coming back to us?” 

Folding her fingers around the com-link in her palm, Rey closes her eyes and sinks back in her seat.

“Are you… _Are you_ coming back?”

She’s grateful for the com-link. Grateful that it’s only her voice she has to compose for a reply, not her face. Still, it takes no small amount of effort to muster cheer into her tone. “Of course, Finn. I’m coming back...” Grimacing, Rey presses the com-link to her forehead before marshalling herself once more. “I’m just not sure when. But I’ll let you know as soon as --”

“You can’t lie to me Rey. I can _feel_ it when you lie. Have I told you I’ve been _feeling_ things lately? Like, through the _Force_?” A note of excitement rings in Finn’s voice. “I need you to come back and train me! I think I could be a Je--”

“Finn, there’s a storm rolling in. You’re breaking up. I’ll talk to you later.”

Casting the com-link to one side, Rey stares out at the stillness of the desert before her. Her conversation with Finn already forgotten as her thoughts turn back to Ben. To that moment when he faded before her eyes.

 _This can’t be how it ends._ Sinking her face into her hands, she sucks in a ragged breath. Beside her, BB8 warbles a series of plaintive beeps. Behind her, she senses Chewie’s approach. It’s time to pull herself together.

“Maz has left Ajan Kloss. We’ll head to Takodana.” She pauses before adding, “At least that way I can avoid more questions from Finn and Poe. For now.”

* * *

Against intermittent flashes of light, the outline of colossal statues scatter the ground; their toppled remains struck to pieces. These great stone monoliths stood proud and whole when Ben last stepped into this place. Yet here they are now, lying in shards.

He wonders how all of this came to pass. How a great temple could fall, all while he lay consigned to some kind of oblivion at the edge of a ravine. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he makes his way across the battered landscape; his body aching and heavy with every step.

Perhaps his starfighter remains undamaged. Perhaps he can yet leave --

“No! Please!”

Ben spins on his heel as the wretched plea pierces the silence. 

“Please don’t - please don’t take my children!”

The words fracture into tiny pieces that reverberate throughout the once-silent chamber in a clamour of distortion. 

“Who’s there?” The words catch in Ben’s throat as he staggers. Peering through the flickering darkness, he throws out his senses to trace the thread of life-force. Only to find nothing.

“Please! They’re only babies!”

The fragmented cry seems to come from somewhere to his right. A lightning strike illuminates the vast temple, revealing a path through the rubble. He veers towards it, one hand pressed to his stomach as the other grips his thigh. Teeth gritting with determination as he pushes through the pain to force himself onwards.

A memory strikes him then. Swift and disjointed. Driving him to his knees.

_Rey. // Sightless eyes open and empty. // Rey. // Dead in his arms. // Rey. // Drained of life-force. // Rey. A shell. Gone._

“No!” Keeling forward, Ben draws his hands into fists that pound against the ground. “No! I brought her back! I remember…”

“By the order of our Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren, I command you --”

The words startle Ben from his anguish. This snarl is one he knows. Allegiant General Pryde. 

“-- to hand over your children!”

The demand causes a cold chill to course down Ben’s spine. This is the General harvesting children for the First Order. This is the General, following his own command.

 _No, not_ my _command,_ Ben tells himself in horror _. Kylo Ren’s command._

But guilt tears at him nonetheless. They are both one and the same, after all.

Pulling himself to his feet for one more push forward, Ben continues towards the source of the voices. It makes no sense, a small voice warns within his head, for General Pryde to be here. For _children_ to be in this place. But these voices are not of his imagination. And so if Pryde is here, there must be a way off this planet yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the lovely folk who left feedback, encouraging me to continue with this. These chapters are short, but I'm offloading them faster, so I hope that makes up for it. 
> 
> In case you think this is a straightforward case of Ben surviving against the odds and now being trapped on Exogol... All is not what it seems. After all, the last sentence of the first segment of this chapter was originally flow written not as 'Because he is here alone. Left behind by Rey once more.' but 'Because he’s sure his skin wasn’t blue and translucent before.'
> 
> Hint for the next chapter: The World Between Worlds. First introduced to SW canon in an episode of Star Wars Rebels, in which Ezra gained access to the world between worlds, saved Ahsoka from death, and then outran Palpatine who was desperate to gain access to this realm... Oh hey, if you haven't watched the ep already, check out [this interesting article](https://nerdist.com/article/star-wars-rebels-rise-of-skywalker-world-between-worlds/) that once theorised a possibility of the world between worlds being a part of The Rise of Skywalker's plot (damn wish they were right!)
> 
> So, in case you think I've lost my mind for bringing General Pryde and children to Exogol...
>
>> "I always got the sense that if somebody else had gone into that World Between Worlds, they would have experienced something completely different. They would have heard different voices echoing, the portals would have been different, so it’s all about what you bring into it and what your experiences are and what your connections are." - Henry Gilroy, executive producer of _Rebels_.
> 
> Final note (it's 1am, I'm in ramble mode): I'm terrible at dragging out long-winded stories that never get anywhere, so I've given myself a goal to wrap up this fic within four chapters. Hopefully before Christmas. Let's see how that pans out! (I'm thinking I should have gone with six, but... We'll see.) 


	3. Chapter 3

"Seize them!"

A prolonged flash of lightning illuminates a large circular doorway through which the voices seem to come.

A woman's shriek punctures the air, the words within it lost in a guttural scream of grief.

Fists clenching, Ben forces himself to move faster. He can't understand what manner of people might live here on this planet for Pryde to take interest in, but he won't let him take them, regardless.

He will make right the wrongs of _Kylo Ren_.

But as he reaches the doorway, he falls heavy against its stone frame. Baffled by what lies before his own eyes.

Through the circular arch, the landscape has changed. Gone is the cavernous temple. The rubble of fallen stone. Gone is the darkness of a sunless planet with only blue bolts of energy to illuminate the shadows.

Sunlight - true sunlight - strikes Ben's eyes as he moves to cross the threshold. Throwing a hand to his brow as the other clutches the doorway to prop himself up, he struggles to make sense of the chaos.

Thatched huts burn before him, sending thick plumes of smoke into a brilliant blue sky. Sun-bronzed villagers trample the surrounding plain as they flee in terror, snatching each other up in a desperate bid to escape. Stormtroopers rush forward to haul children from their parents grasping hands as a second group rain blaster fire upon those who resist.

And amidst it all, Pryde's voice rings out to reassure without inflection of comfort; "We thank you for your compliance in serving the First Order! Your children will become the champions of our fleet, and return to you someday as heroes!"

It's all a lie. These children will die as slaves. Forced onto killing fields as half-trained stormtroopers at best.

Ben shifts himself to step forward. He is still the Supreme Leader so far as anyone is aware. He will stop this madness as he should have done long ago.

"Ben, wait."

This voice. He knows this voice. Its soft warmth binds him in place. Closing his eyes, he fights the prickle of tears that threaten to undo him.

"Mom?"

A hand falls upon his shoulder, tugging him away from the threshold; drawing him back into the darkness of the temple.

"Ben, before you choose your path, we have to talk."

* * *

"What makes you think Ben Solo is still alive, child?" Maz leans back from the table, a thoughtful look upon her face. "You say he faded before your eyes. This is a sign that he has become one with the Force. It's a good thing. Perhaps you should leave it as such."

"Leave it…" Rey grips the table edge, baffled. "Did you not hear anything I've said? Ben is the other half of my _soul_. Palpatine said as much himself. He can't be dead. Without him…"

"You can never be whole?" Folding her arms across her chest, Maz chuckles. "Dear one, it's a figure of speech. Look at you - " She sits forward suddenly, grasping Rey's arm with a thin wrinkled hand and pinching her skin between bony thumb and forefinger. "You feel whole to me."

"I thought you of all people would understand." Pulling away from Maz's grasp, Rey strikes a tear from her eye and rises to her feet. "I thought you'd be able to help me make sense of this."

"Would it be wise, to bring Ben Solo back?" Maz asks suddenly as Rey turns away. "If such a thing were even possible… would it be wise?"

"What do you mean?"

" _You_ regard him as Ben Solo. To the galaxy… He is _Kylo Ren_. A ghoul to many. And one who committed despicable crimes even before he took up the mantle of Supreme Leader. How do you expect him to return, and not be held accountable for his actions?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought..." Rey shrugs. "We'll face that hurdle when we get to it, I suppose."

"Hmm." Maz raps out a beat upon the tabletop as she ponders. "Show me these sacred texts. I may know something of this World Between Worlds."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who've left feedback and kudos, I appreciate the encouragement! I'm sorry that these chapters are so short, I'm trying to punch them out quickly to make up for it. The next chapters may be longer, this just happens to be all I wish to reveal to you for now. ;)  
> Having written up an outline of events for this story, I'm now extending it to 6 chapters. New goal: Finish it by New Years! :p
> 
> If you're on Tumblr and would like a sneak peek into my story plan, come say hi to me at [acowlorsomething](https://acowlorsomething.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have followed/commented on this lil fic. I had hoped to have finished it by now, but I got a tad sidetracked by the chaos of this time of year, and a wee divergence to another Reylo fic I've been working on for some time.

“Do you recall what happened when you were thrown over the precipice?” Leia’s soft voice echoes off the cold walls of the crumbling temple.

Ben stares. He hasn’t stopped staring at his mother since she appeared at his side; materialising from the air as a blue-hued spectre. Her eyes are kind. Her smile wistful. Ben barely recognises such features on his mother. So long has it been since he’s seen her. And so he stares. Drinking in the translucent vision of her as if his heart will never be quenched.

“Ben?”

At the second utterance of his once-hated name, he breaks from his reverie, folding beneath the crush of emotions long held in. Sinking to the ground beneath the weight of it all. “Mom…”

Fists clench in his lap. _Suck it up, Solo_ , he wills himself. And then the realisation that he’s referred to himself as a Solo without the bat of an eye hits him like a sucker punch.

Kylo Ren truly is dead.

“It’s okay, son.” Fingers card through his hair. Soft and spectral yet somehow - impossibly - _real_.

“Am I dead?” Raising tear-shine eyes to his mother, Ben braces himself for her reply. Knowing the answer can only be yes.

“You are not.” There is a measure of pain to Leia’s voice. As if somehow it would be better to have said yes.

Ben looks again towards the circular archway where beyond, a village is being razed. Children are being snatched from their parents grasping arms. And the man who should right now be in the stratosphere above Exogol, at the helm of the First Order’s largest Star Destroyer, is leading the cull.

The timeline of events just can’t be possible.

“Where am I?”

Leia pauses for a beat, before asking again. “Do you recall what happened when you were thrown over the edge?”

* * *

“There’s a page missing, but… See here? This section tells of some kind of mystical plane where past, present and future all meet.”

Tilting a thick, time-worn tome towards Maz, Rey points to a carefully drawn diagram within one of its fragile pages. Parallel lines connect to circles of various sizes, giving a near-far perspective and sense of infinity. “This book calls it the ‘world between worlds’. Each circle represents a portal to a moment in time relevant to whoever travels its path.”

“I know of stories of this place,” Maz nods, “or one, at least.”

Grinning, Rey’s eyes light with excitement. “If I can find this plane - if I can find a way in - I _know_ I can bring Ben back!”

They have retreated from the busy hubris of the refurbished cantina to Maz’s personal quarters. The large living area holds a jumbled collection of knick-knacks and plants bound by earthen pots. But the space they sit in is free of clutter, and far more peaceful than the busy cantina that has recovered well since the First Order attack.

The small, shrunken woman taps a finger to her chin, her brows drawn together in thought. “And do the Sacred Jedi Texts tell of how to reach this world between worlds?”

Rey’s eyes narrow, “it does... But I suspect you already know the answer to that.”

“Indeed I do, child,” Maz leans forward then, placing one hand over-top of Rey’s, “but I’m of the hope that you can provide a different one.”

“Why?” Rey frowns, “is it dangerous?”

“Of course,” the old woman chuckles, as if to say it should go without saying, “but that’s not the problem.”

“Well,” it’s all Rey can do to stop herself from twitching with impatience, so she closes her eyes and wills herself to breathe deep as she asks, “then what exactly _is_ the problem?”

For a time, Maz doesn’t answer, instead choosing to pour them both a hot beverage that Rey has come to know (and not too fondly) as tarine tea. Then, after waiting for Rey to take a polite sip, she settles into her story.

“There was a time when Darth Sidious - who you know of as Palpatine - tried to access this realm as it was believed that ‘he who controls the world between worlds, controls the galaxy’. His plan was thwarted - quite by chance - by a young Jedi padawan called Ezra Bridger, who found his way into this realm through an ancient temple upon the planet Lothal --”

Maz stops, lips pressed into a firm line as if she has suddenly revealed the wrong thing and wishes she could have clamped her mouth shut sooner.

“What?” Desperation edges Rey’s voice. For a person who always seems on the go, Maz has taken the better part of the day to get thus far in their discussion. Now the desire to lean forward and shake the words from the woman’s frail form has left Rey pressing her fingers against the table top to restrain herself. “What is it?”

“I don’t wish to get your hopes up…” Sighing with the realisation that she can’t backtrack now, Maz continues, “whilst Ezra was in the world between worlds, he saved the former Jedi, Ahsoka.”

“Saved? How?”

“He pulled her from her timestream, moments before she would have died at the hands of Darth Vader.”

Rising from her seat, Maz crosses the room, removes an ancient box from a shelf and brings it back to the table. “Ahsoka, in turn, helped Ezra to stop Sidious from gaining access to the world between worlds. The temple was destroyed soon after.”

“Destroyed?” Pain sears Rey’s finger pads as she realises the wood beneath her fingertips is beginning to smoke. Flinching, she draws her hands away and tucks them into her lap. “Are you sure?”

Maz doesn’t answer straight away, instead she gazes pointedly at the scorch marks on her tabletop before clicking her goggles until her eyes grow as large as the saucers beneath her teacups.

“Aw, no, come on,” Groaning, Rey slides back in her seat as the tiny woman leers at her across the table. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to --”

“That was my favourite table,” she clucks with disapproval.

“I am _really_ sorry…”

“You have too much anger in you, girl. Anger leads to darkness.” Maz’s tone is not unkind as reaches out to pat Rey’s hand. “You’re out of balance.”

Swallowing hard, Rey stares at gnarled, ancient hand atop of her own. Her voice catches as she speaks, “It’s hard to find balance - when the other half of your soul is missing.”

“Hmm. Perhaps you don’t exaggerate, after all.” Removing the goggles, Maz settles herself back in her seat. Her hands sit atop of the box, palms flat against the smooth wooden surface. “So, what are you going to do?”

For several moments Rey cannot speak; her throat constricting with tears she has never let shed.

“Well, at least I know it _is_ possible to save Ben,” she utters finally, “I just need to figure out how. I mean, if Ezra could do it...”

“Ah, but Ezra and Ahsoka’s circumstances were ideal. Yours -” Maz leans forward to poke Rey in the shoulder with a long bony finger, “- are not.”

“Why?”

“Tell me, at what point would you pull Ben from his timestream? _Before_ he stands with you against Palpatine?” Maz’s blinks slowly as she allows Rey the opportunity to consider her words. “What consequence would that inflict upon _our_ reality, do you think?”

“What was the consequence for Ezra saving Ahsoka?”

“None, that we know of,” Maz admits with a shrug, “but this is only because whether Ahsoka lived or died in that moment was inconsequential.”

“But for Ben and I, the consequences are significant.” Rey finishes in a whisper.

“Indeed. If you pull him from his timestream before he faces Palpatine, the Rey left standing alone before the old Emperor will ascend to the Sith Throne out of desperation, and doom us all. If you wait until after he is cast into that ravine, you doom yourself, for it was only by his sacrifice that you were revived.”

“And if I wait until after he gives his life-force to save me, he will die anyway.” Rey folds her hands around her cup of tea, allowing its warmth to infuse into hands that have become clammy and cold with trepidation.

Maz watches Rey in shrewd silence for a moment, before concluding, “this is why, child, you may have to accept that Ben Solo cannot be brought back.”

“No.” Rey murmurs, eyes closing as the first and final smile Ben gave her comes to mind. “No. There has to be a way. I _won’t_ give up on him.”

“I didn’t think you would for one moment.” Lifting the lid from the box, Maz withdraws a delicate piece of flimsi and passes it with reverence across the table.

One edge of the page is torn, as if from a book, and as Rey gazes down at the neatly-drawn star chart, she knows it will fit the missing page of the Sacred Jedi Text even before slipping it into place.

“I’ve never known what purpose this map would serve, but I knew it would come in handy some day,” Maz nods with a knowing smile as Rey tucks the page into the book. The ripped edges match perfectly. “I believe there are other access points to the realm you seek, and that this map will show us where they lay.”

* * *

“I remember hitting ground. I thought my body had been shattered. Turns out I’d hit a ledge. About fifty feet down.” Shame burns deep in Ben’s chest as he prepares his next admittance, “I made it back up the cliff, but I couldn’t help Rey. Physically, I was… I couldn’t do anything.”

“But you did,” Leia consoles, “you did exactly what you needed to do, Ben, to save Rey.”

“I borrowed from Luke’s final lesson,” he nods with a grim twist of a smile. “I projected myself to Rey’s side. It was difficult - I could barely hold myself upright. Then I gathered her in my arms and saw her face. That stare. She was…” he stops, suddenly lost in the memory.

“Palpatine all but drained my life-force from my body.” He says finally. Warily. “Yet I pulled myself up the cliff, projected myself to Rey’s side, and brought her back from the brink of death with the Force?”

Leia remains silent as Ben stares into the gloom.

“She was **gone**. Such a feat shouldn’t have been possible.” He looks to his mother, his gaze dark and sharp with suspicion. “So how did I do it?”

“You had some help,” smiling over her son’s shoulder, Leia beckons a hand, “from family.”

Ben’s back stiffens as he realises his mother’s gaze has fallen upon someone behind him. Turning, he stumbles to his feet as a second spectral figure steps out from the shadows.

“We helped you to rise, Ben.”

There is nothing recognisable about the voice of the blue-hued man. But there is something familiar in the dark tousled hair and the Jedi robes.

“My name is Anakin Skywalker,” despite the transparency of his form, the man’s gaze is piercing as he offers a wry smile, “and I’m your grandfather.”

“You might want to take a seat, son,” Leia chuckles, “before you hear the rest of what we have to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is it with these missing pieces of star charts becoming the crucial part of a puzzle to lead someone somewhere important? Well, asides from a lack of imagination... Think of it as poetry. It rhymes. :p
> 
>  **Flimsi** : Is the SW equivalent of paper.
> 
>  **Ezra, Ashoka, and the World Between Worlds:** The concept of the WBW was originally created for the animated series _Star Wars Rebels_ , so Ezra could bring back Anakin's former padawan, Ashoka. (It's not what Ezra set out to do, but the opportunity came up, so he snatched it.)


End file.
